Faces
by Katt9966
Summary: An AU story set in the Childhood's Hours universe created by Whipper.


Title: - Faces.

Author: - Katt.

E-mail: - kattanonhotmail.com

Rating: - PG-13.

Feedback : - Like it or loathe it let me know.

Archive: - Archived at the Shield Fanfiction Archive.

Disclaimer: - I don't own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX.

Author's Notes: - Written for Whipper, some CH AU angst because she's all angsty over her crashed computer.

Faces.

He liked to sit silent and still and just watch everybody during recess. He enjoyed studying people. Holland had learnt at a young age that the face people show to the world isn't necessarily their true face. People often hid their true selves away, and only let others see what they wanted them to see.

Sitting back in the shadows Holland felt his stomach clench as he watched Jackson, and his little gang of hangers-on strut through the crowds of other students as if they owned the school. A shove here, a foot stuck out to trip up the unwary, a cruel, sneering word in someone's ear, all typical Jackson. Holland should know he'd been on the receiving end of most of Jackson's bullying. "Bully" that was a label that fitted Jackson perfectly. He only preyed on those younger and weaker than himself, and usually only when he was surrounded by some of his gang. He swaggered and sneered, and tried to give the impression that he was so tough. However, Holland could see what lay beneath Jackson's "face". He could see the sniveling coward that lurked there. The coward who was afraid to admit to himself, let alone others, just how spineless he really was. So he puffed himself up, and bolstered his low-self esteem by making others feel more wretched and unhappy than he felt himself. Watching Jackson Holland almost felt sorry for him, because he was so pathetic.

As Holland watched Jackson called out something to a group of girls leaning against the science block wall. One, who until then had had her back to Holland, turned, and glared at Jackson before turning to ignore him again with an imperious toss of her head. Holland would know her anywhere, Danielle Sofer. Holland knew every curve of her body, every cadence of her voice, the particular way she walked. To Holland Danielle, or Danny as she preferred, was pretty near perfect. Yet even she had her hidden side. Outwardly she was a typical "popular" girl. Confident in her burgeoning womanhood, someone that the other girls tried to emulate, a leader. She was all those things, but even she sometimes had a crisis of confidence. Holland could see the self-doubt sometimes in her eyes, in the slight tightening of her mouth. He recognised the expression; he'd seen it often enough in the mirror. That she wasn't totally one-dimensional just made her more attractive to Holland. Of course he knew he had no chance with her, she was way out of his league. Besides he would never want to soil anything so fresh and clean with his touch. He was too sullied to ever come into contact with her. It also didn't help that Danny was totally obsessed with someone else. She tried to hide her attraction, feigning disinterest, but she didn't fool him, he knew she only had eyes for Vic Mackey.

Now there was a contradiction. In fact, not only Mackey, but all his little clique were walking contradictions.

There was Ronnie Gardocki, outwardly the guy was a nerd, but he possessed something that meant he got to hang with the coolest boys in the school. He was quiet and intelligent, but in a fight he'd stand his ground and give as good as he got. The outward picture of someone who was calm and studious obviously hid more of a rebel than most people would guess at. Why else would he get to run with Mackey?

Gardocki's best friend was Curtis. He always came across as a jock. All brawn and no brain, only interested in sports, and girls, and fighting. Curtis Lemansky seemed to be the kind of person who would strong-arm his way through life, not particularly noticing who got in his way. However, Holland knew that Curtis also had an innate sense of right and wrong. He'd never cheat, and would always strive to do the right thing. A jock with a sense of fair play, until he'd seen Curtis Holland would've thought such a thing was impossible.

Then there was the joker of the group, Shane Vendrell. Vendrell was a prick. He was loud-mouthed, rude, ignorant, and an all round show off and pain in the ass. Holland thought that if it wasn't for Mackay's friendship Vendrell would be Jackson's best friend. Vendrell was a bully in the making; his vicious side kept in check by Mackey's influence. However, Holland knew all of Vendrell's noise and bluster was a cover. If he looked closely at Shane Vendrell Holland could see something of himself in the other boy's eyes. There was an empty despair in there that Holland knew was in his own eyes, and in the eyes of a couple of other kids at school. Kids who were either quiet and withdrawn like him, or full of bravado and wisecracks like Vendrell. Him, Vendrell, and those other kids all knew, to a greater or lesser extent, that life is seldom fair, that it's often unhappy, that you won't automatically be loved, and sometimes people want to hurt you for their own enjoyment. Lessons that the other kids at school wouldn't learn for a few more years.

Then, of course, there was Vic Mackey. He was Mr. Popular without even trying. The guy just exuded authority. He was top dog and he knew it, and liked it. He could be ruthless if you pissed him off. He never backed down from a fight, and could hold his own against boys older and bigger than him. Mackey would break the rules and not care. He had an innate sense of himself, and didn't care too much what other people thought. Here was someone else who could so easily have become a bully, but he didn't. Mackey never picked on those weaker than himself. He'd even been known to go out of his way to help those he thought needed it. Jackson stayed out of Mackey's way, and although Mackey wasn't quite a "white knight" fighting for the oppressed of the schoolyard, he did help to keep the worst of Jackson's excesses in check.

Speak of the Devil, Holland thought, as Mackey and his gang came into view, strolling towards the canteen. They seemed oblivious to everything around them, laughing and joking with each other. They didn't seem to notice Jackson and his friends scurrying out of their way. Although Mackey did glance in Danny's direction, offering her a sly grin that made her flush, and duck her head with delighted embarrassment. Then Mackey turned towards him, looked Holland right in the eye, and held his gaze. Holland could see that the apparent nonchalance was yet another face of Vic Mackey, and at that second a colder, more calculating, Mackey was staring at him, assessing him.

Holland wondered which of his many faces Mackey could see. Holland had lots of different faces, he could be so many different things to so many different people. The good student to his teachers, the nerd to his peers, the victim to Jackson, the invisible son to his mother, so blinkered by self-pity and vodka that she didn't see anything else. Then there was his father, he wore so many different faces for him, obedient son, constant disappointment, failure, punchbag, whore.

As he looked back at Mackey Holland wondered which one of those faces was he showing to Mackey. As he watched a flicker of recognition and understanding crossed Vic Mackey's face, followed by a frown and a look of sadness. Holland had to look away as he realised that in that moment Vic Mackey had seen all of his faces.


End file.
